An obituary for the obituary
Part One - Where we started and where we are
In my recent grief work I'm observing, at least anecdotally, a major shift in practices surrounding obituaries.
The word obituary in its original Latin phrasing means a notice of “departure”, and in the context of life and death certainly refers to the latter. I suppose there’s no way to know if it was always used exclusively for someone’s passing, but in modern times it certainly has been.
There are many writings online that will tell you the act of posting public obituaries for the deceased started in Ancient Rome, though I cannot seem to find a reliable source that establishes this as historical fact. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true, though I’m fairly certain it would have looked and sounded much different than it does today.
What is more credibly established as fact is that up until the early to mid-1800’s in America, obituaries were more-so simple statements of fact regarding someone’s death. There’s reason to believe many of these obituaries were not even written by someone who knew or cared for the deceased; more likely they were written by someone at the newspaper and probably served as more of a formality or legality than anything else.
Some have reflected, and I would as well, that obituaries in their modern form weren’t quite as necessary then as they are now. In those times communities were much smaller, tighter, more closely connected. Not to mention most folks in these communities likely attended service at the same church or bought bread at the same local bakery, allowing news of a passing to travel quickly and widely in these communities all on its own. There was nothing anyone could read in a newspaper that they hadn’t already heard through the proverbial grapevine.
History shows us that during the mid-1800’s, on the heels of events like Western expansion, the Gold Rush, and the Civil War, as young people of all backgrounds ventured off away from their communities, the practice of writing obituaries began to change. Obituaries became a place for not only sharing facts about the death but also a place for commentary on their life. Furthermore, there is evidence that during this time loved ones began to take on a more active role in writing the obituary itself. Perhaps this is because of the tragic and traumatic nature of many deaths during this time, and perhaps it's because lives were increasingly being lived outside of the community of origin more so than ever before, and a story needed to be told.
In taking on a more active role in writing the obituary, I believe, people found unexpected catharsis and healing during a tremendously difficult time. Otherwise I’m not sure why in generations and generations since then loved ones have volunteered to write an obituary for the deceased during a time of immense sadness and grief, and at a time in which there are numerous other responsibilities which require their attention. The obituaries seem to have become a place for loved ones to process the full scope of their loss, to share the highlights as much as the lowlights of someone’s life, to introduce their communities to the descendents (who might need support), and to invite the community to mourn with them at the wake or funeral. These obituaries went out to friends, family, and strangers alike.
By all observations, traditions around obituaries would then remain fairly static for approximately 150 years. At which point things started to change drastically and rapidly. As you have probably noticed, in the past thirty years newspapers across the country and the world have hastily transitioned to digital publication, and the obituary section has gone digital as well. Precipitated by a large drop in readership in the early 1990s, this move to digital was likely due to the advent of home-based computers, the internet, and cable news channels all contributing to a change in how Americans got their news. The problem is that with the rising costs of newspaper publication, especially for local newspapers, the fees these publications now charge for hosting obituaries seem to have risen to the point where many folks now forgo a posting in the newspaper altogether.
This appears to have correlated with an increase in the popularity of low-cost online obituary hosting services, many of which are offered through the funeral homes where folks are having their loved one's final arrangements carried out. Because these low-cost obituaries have become so popular, and so numerous, there's even successful third-party sites like Legacy.com which aggregate obituary postings from thousands and thousands of funeral homes and newspaper websites into one searchable database. They'll even send you a daily email containing the previous day's postings in an effort to keep you up to date; it used to be a newspaper thrown onto your front stoop, now it’s an email in your virtual inbox.
Most of this is relatively old news. What seems new, at least to me, is that even these online obituaries, which over the last two decades have boomed in popularity, appear now to be slowly changing in their utility for people. Obituaries now seem to be returning to the content of our earlier days, once again becoming more straightforward statements of fact: date, age, location, and sometimes the manner of death. I observe less and less reflection in these postings, less and less feeling behind the words. Quite often, I’ve been told, that's because a friend or a loved one isn’t even writing it anymore; it's someone from the funeral home or, I fear, an AI machine. Some folks I speak with have even told me that with the scourge of online identity theft, writing a more detailed obituary has become risky, and what a sad commentary on our culture that is.
What appears to have taken the place of the modern obituary is something we've probably all seen and maybe even done ourselves: the Facebook post. In the next chapter of this blog series, we’ll begin to explore and reflect upon what I, and we in the field of grief work, see as the pros and cons of the changes we’ve seen in obituary practices, including what I’m calling the “Facebook Obituary”.